Have you ever been lost in your mind? Have you ever been lost in someone else’s view or expectation of you? Have you ever known what gifts and potential lied within yourself… like, you totally had something to offer... but you could not readily identify who you were? My answer is a resounding, “Yes,” to all of the above.
Let me explain. By not understanding or declaring my own identity I left myself open for others to paint their own version of me on their canvas of actuality. In retrospect, I’d been playing characters for years. I’d been perfecting characters that were only fractions of my full self. I portrayed them so well that I literally fooled many into thinking that each individual role was the only version of me. I had become a professional fraud at my own expense. I would wake up so many nights and wonder, “how did I get here?” I know I am not alone in this. So many of us have done the same…but, why?
My bet is fear of rejection. Plain and simple, unadulterated, tormenting …fear of rejection. For myself…well, I was afraid because some fractions of me had already been
rejected. From being a creative, Jesus freak, entrepreneur and an advocate… all of me never seemed to be welcomed or fit in from one crowd or relationship to the next. I had learned to be what people needed in the moment. I had learned to be whatever part of me that was tolerated and didn’t cause waves or rejection. Though greatness lied in the totality of my being I settled for “tolerated.” Wow! I presented less than who I was but expected full acceptance. Humph, now that’s some major self-reflection!
That’s exactly where I started; self-reflection. Living the way I was, I had never experienced pure joy or fulfillment. The voice in my head screamed out “#Ihateithere,” daily. So, I started to explore my inner workings. I sought counsel and deliverance (Jesus freak disclaimer) and dusted off my purpose and destiny that had been hidden beneath my insecurities in a box marked “unworthy.” I had learned to love me and all of my peculiar ways that set me a part and surprisingly, sometimes…even above the rest.
I have learned that I am multifaceted, unpredictable, artistic, a rebel, goofy, spiritual and gifted. It’s the combination to this lock of who I am. Truth is, I’ve always known it. You’ve always known your combination. It’s just about the journey to embracing it. I understand now that I was portraying a one dimensional character. Others were only ignorant to the rich and textured parts of me because of the limited version that was available.
After much meditation, a few counseling sessions and a few oddly expressive haircuts, here I am. I am open and ready to bring you all into the “know.” Every layer, talent and imperfection is worthy of the spotlight. I am no longer afraid to be great and be the best version of myself. I am a work in progress… but a master piece in the making. Basically, I am too dope for you to be #IgnorantToMyArt (LOL.) See what a little self-reflection will do for you? You all are welcomed into this new era of reckless faith and purpose driven confidence with Art By Ty Lewis.
May you discover the art of you along the way!